One Whole Day trip to Cologne

liburan ke Köln kemarin,29 Aug 2015 adalah saat pertama kalinya gue keluar make jilbab lagi.but i still used my semester ticket that has my picture that didnt wear hijab bcz the ticket is still valid until last August..
kita berangkat midnite (gue,hilmi dan kakdep) nyampe sana pagi around 6am.
yeup.we slept in bus :''
why One whole day?  bcz we arrived really in the morning and went back around 11pm.

early morning we're heading directly to hauptbahnhof and entered Sanitär. we washed our face and brushed our teeth and friends..and get ready for the trip~

      me-kakdep-hilmi

us from the back xD

that is the Kölner Dom. really huge inside.we went inside too.

Those are the Gembok Cintrong that i wish those written names

are with their eternal love ones

will you have one hang in there too? 

<3

then...Hohenzollernbrücke

the most famous bridge in Cologne ;)

we had a break like 3 hours sleeping on grasses,chillin with grapes and drinks near the uni there.

xD unfortunately i didnt take the photos while everyone was sleeping. lol.

sounds regretting since we slept there lol.i mean,ye we didnt go to many places.the museum or the amusement park there. ah and btw, we used mega  bus it was only 5€.it was actually even 1€ but we bought it late so yea. xD

my late sister who really loves kpop EXO ;)

then we headed to the Zetrum of Cologne.the central shopping! its very big.tired walking. so many people. tiring but fun ;) gotta post this!

walking around the Street Mall

buying postcards <3

well,great pictures and just the building or the beautiful panoramas without us in it..

you can have em in google guys. 
and since its ma blog... xP *peace*

Akhirnya si Wieder lulus STK

alhamdulillaahh...alhamdulillaahh banyaaaakkk bgttt..
kata2 itu g abis2nya gue ucapin saat keluar dari pintu ujian lisan terakhir gue.pengenya malemnya langsung update.betapa dan betapa mikirnya gue.betapa nerveousnya gue saat2 menjelang ujian lisan..betapa apa yah,,speechless deh hari2 mendekati ujian lisan..gue cuman butuh keajaiban. ke 'untung' an..karna selain daripada itu,,smua usaha ada di kedua tangan gue.manusia hanya bisa berusaha kata pepatah mungkin...
lo bayangin aja,sehari setelah pengumuman ujian fsp lulus ato engga dan alhamdulillah lulus,,besoknya dong gue dapet jadwal ujian lisan mathe,pagi pula.
o maiiiiii godddddd ._______-'' gue ngrasa g adiiil saat itu. huhuhuu.. 

tapi..
gue senneng banget..jadi kan yang pertama mengikuti ujian akhir tu namanya fsp macem UN gitu..nilai kita memenuhi g buat ikut ujian ini,nilainya dilihat dari vornote(hasil ulangan2 hrian) kita.kalo mmenuhi nilainya,boleh deh kita ikutan ujian ini..setelah mengikuti ujian fsp ini(sebenarnya g enak bilang "ujan fsp",,soalnya di dalam 'fsp' uda ada kata 'ujian' tp yaudalah ya haha)..abis ikutan ujian fsp kita ini,masih bisa lo gugur.
kata gue,,ujian fsp emg berat si.hmmmh kinda hard.kayak kebanyakan anak tuu dari nilai vornote ke fsp pada turun.tapi ada juga yg naik.karna gue bilang ujian fsp lebih susah dari klausur2,,dan karna nilai vornote dan fsp dipake dalam perhitungan nilai akhir,,
jadi saran gue.. bagusin nilai di klausur(ulangan harian)tiap studkol bisa beda2 kebijakannya..yang jelas ditempat gue seperti ini.. :D

laluuuuuuuww..kalo setelah pengumaman fsp lulus ato engga,,yg g lulus bisa daftar ulang lagi ato wieder(kea gue kemarin) tapi ngulangpun ada beda2.yang jelas peraturan di negara ini buat kita2 orang asing,,2x ikut fsp max.kalo g..bisa disuruh balik ..ke.. kampung halaman..*serem si dengernya*
oyaa,,g lulus fsp itu gmna,,intinya,gara2 satu plajaran aja lo mati, lo bisa ngulang yg lamanya satu semester cuy! gue kemarin,,jatoh di deutsch sama fisika si,hohoo..fsp gue 5 semua :( vornote gue rada ngepas..jadi yah ngulang deh :(  itu semester kemarin..kmudiaan,,saya brniat bangkitt!! perbaiki vornote dari nilai2 klausur selagi bisaa!!! hajar fspeee!!alhmdulillah,,nilai klausur2 gue semester ini minimal sama kea semester lalu,,,cuman kebanyakan pada naik smua *alhmdulillah* ada yg engga si.itu tu yang emang paten g bisa gue rubah nilai vornote gue..yang pernah studkol bareng gue ato sempet di ajar sama Herr Rinke ;) itu di plajaran fisika bagian 2... gue uda pasrah mah itu. :'' keanya mo ngulang lagi juga nilai gue bakal sama kalo pelajaran satu ini .scheiß emang ._. makanya miracle bgt bgt 4 ulangan pljaran ini.dan lo jenius klo lo bisa dpt 1 ato 2 bahkan 3. temen gue ada si :'') tebaek dah. 

oyaaa.. yang diujikan untuk jurusan gue alias technik it ada deutsch,mate,physik.daaann tiap studkol beda2 juga keputsannya..ada yg ada chemienya gitu buat jurusan anak technik..hehehe dstudkol gue g ada syangnyah..
udahkan sedikit penjelasan tadi,,diumumin lulus fsp ato engga...kalo lulus lanjut ke ujian lisan.nah stk(studkol) gue emang rada aneh ni. 
nilai fsp sama vornote dbagi 2 tiap mapelnya,nah kalo jatohnya koma,,plajaran itulah yg diujian lisanin.kalo dr ke3 mapel itu abis dbagi 2 itu genap..brtti 3 plajran utama g ada ujian lisannya..maka yang diujian lisanin pelajaran tambahan(nebenfach)..karna ada beberapa nebenfach,,entah darimana gurunya milih pelajran nebenfach mana yang dikasih ..tiap anak beda2 jelas,,cmn kurang paham gue tergantung apanya,,ada yg bilang kalo nebenfach suka2 gurunya,ada yang bilang nilai nebenfachnya somehow gimana gtu..cuman buat nebenfach,,bagi yang ngulang ato wieder,,selain dia harus ngulang 3 mata pelajaran utama tadi, dia juga harus ngulang nebenfach yang nilainya dibawah 3.kalo 3 keatas,dia uda g usa ikut pljran2 nebenfach.hehe alhmdulillah gue uda befrei yg nebenfach jadi semester ini gue fokus sama 3 hauptfach itu.tapi kalo mau ngulang nebenfach misal yaaa mau perbagus bisa si..cuman gue,,awalnya niatnya mau ngulang semua nebenfach,,cuman makin masuk kelas..makin,,mager mungkin..jdi kea gw mau fokus k hauptfach gitu *alasanmungkin*jdi ya gue ga ngulang nebenfach sama skli hehe..oke cukup :))
ampe mana tdi kan..oke abis yang lulus ikutan ujian lisan tegantung dia dapet mündlich(lisan) *ditambhin kata ''ujian'' ya bacanya* abis mündlich.. selesaaaii dehh!!eeiitts belum deng..

ujian lisan ini juga punya nilai sendiri,jdi entar endingnya tiap mapel itu...vornote(klausur) + fsp + mündlich dbagi 3 itu lah hasil akhir dr tiap mapel ,nah untuk ke3 hauptfach,,kalo g lulus mündlich bisa ikut ujian lagi namanya nachschreibung.nachscreibung ini cuman ada buat mate sama fisika.jdi kalo deutsch mündlichnya g lulus..yaa... E N D : ( alias WI E D E R alias NGULANG..
sadis sih barusan ini...tapi ikutan nachschreibung juga kata gue ga enak..soalnya.. katanya ijazahnya dia dibagiinnya telat.g bebarengan ama anak2 yang ga kena nachschreibung. dan abis nachschreibung juga belum tentu lulus..:'' sadis kan :( klo nilai nachschreibungnya g mati baru lulus,min. 4 nilainya..
okaayhh jdii sprtii ituu.. daan karna nilai nebenfach gue gut,,dan ga gue verbessern lagi kemarin,,gue capek mikir nebenfach wkwkkk..gue mo fokus ama hauptfach gitu kan,,,jdi yahh..nilai akhirnya g begitu si.tp dari itu semua..gue mnsyukuri..di ujian mündlich, gue berusaha gimana hasilnya bisa naik.dan alhamdulillah it works! i made it!!!like thank thank thank Godddd!! hamdullaahh.. :''yaah mau gue push gimana pelajaran utama ini,,kalo ntr ujungnya dtambah sama nilai nebenfach gue yang g begitu menjulang..
yaahh not too bad,but not too good. just 'good'but still i have to thank God. karna gue ngliat anak2 yang lain nilai akhirnya lebih bagus karna kebantu sama nebenfach,, jadi kalo nilai nebenfachnya bgus itu ngebantu bgt si buat endnote(nilai akhir).gue pengen...tpi g usa ngomongin itu,,.tapi bgaimanapun..Ive tried my best! and im so so sure this is the best! ga bole ada yang disesali,, mungkin kalo semester ini gue g fokus ama hauptfach doang,gue ga bakal bisa nyampe nilai hauptfach yang kalo bisa gue bilang vornotenya naik semua(kecuali pelajaran rinke maap) dari semester kemarin(vornote :nilai bbrapa kali ulangan tiap mapel,jdi tiap mapel punya vornote) di ambil hikmahnya aja :'' yang penting sekarang...

heeeyyy,,gue yang kemarin wieder,,si wieder ini uda luluuss dari studienkollegg !! that means,,i have to get ready for the next 'Obstacles' alhamdulilllahh :) setiap kerja keras, gue yakin,,pasti ada hasilnya,,hasilnya apapun itu..pasrahkan diri sepenuhnya sama sang Pencipta :) 
btw...happy fasting buat yg menjalankannya!!! :)


Posted in 01.07.2014

Why me?Hijab ?

i started wearing hijab since i was in junior high or grade 7.
its actually basically maybe bcz that junior high i used to go was an islamic boarding school..
so they taught me about wearing a hijab for girls is an obligation.its a must.
and..i dont feel uncomfortable with it either..so it continues until in senior high, which is not in islamic boarding school anymore, but an ordinary school, 
where in a class,there are boys and girls mixed together,wether you wear a hijab or not..völlig egal. like in my class,there are around 6 or 5 girls including me who were wearing the hijab out of 32 students. 

until i finished my senior high,which means i wore my hijab for 6years already(3yeas junor 3 years senior),,
hmm 
i never really had it in my heart i guess..i mean,for all this 6 years,,i used to once twice hanging out without my hijab..and there was once too when i was ill at home,some of my friends in senior high came to visit me, and i just didnt wear my hijab even there are some boys came.
eventhough i used to have something like that, i never really have a thought on my mind about..
"Dont you wanna take off your hijab?like really put that thing off of you?"
i guess.. never even once..

and when my decision came for me to choose germany as my next place to study in college,well
at first, what im afraid is not i may take off my hijab,but rather than,,im afraid i cant get along with the language,and the issue bfore that there will be doomsday in 2013 (i now it sounds funny -.- )and germany was kinda place where im not sure,things im kinda afraid concerning religion there.like im going to be the minor one of course :( 
thats whats on my mind that time..

a year pass i lived in leipzig germany for studienkolleg,i was the only one wearing hijab in class and i have no feeling like ..

"i cant bear this, im the only one who wear the hijab.there are also middle eastern girls and i bet theyre moslems but they didnt wear one..even my indonesian girl whose i know shes moslem too,she didnt wear it "

nope. i never felt that as a burden,at all.as being the only girl in class who wear the hijab. there was also a time..where the students who came were just boys and the only girl who came,,was just.. me. :''
(actually the class is more of the boys than the girls. its like 10:2 ,maybe bcz i took "technic class")

a year passed..and finally my time to enter college~ came..
im not sure bcz of what i kinda have these thoughts.. but ive already desccribed why i took off my hijab in my previous2 posts back then xD 
anyway,, i took off my hijab for a year. like really a year!
how was it? how does it feels like? 

well,i feel free for choosing what kinds of clothes i wana wear,
well, i feel free to do anything i want (bcz i dont show em that im "moslem") (its not that im happy with that)
well, i feel that im being normal here,i mean,like most of the people here..
anyway, i can do anything i want without even thinking "no i cant,im wearing hijab."

trust me, a year is REALLY SHORT(or maybe too long to make me realize what i did was wrong)

when i asked that permission to my dad and mom, i never thought that i would make it on my third semester in college. i never had a thinking 
"okay,lets try a year without hijab in your college,if you think then mega,you feel no benefit on taking that off,then its your time to wear it again"
my only thinking that time and like what i told my mom and dad was..
"..only until i graduate,only until i finished my study here..let me"

but months of my first time in college, all of the bad feeling mixed in my heart.its where then the following months i wrote in my blog,,that im willing to wear my hijab like really "next semester" which means in semester 2. 
new year came,hello 2015! there was a small incident i had its about
"my lame romantic story" its like punch to my face,and to my heart. 
BUT, im not sure why..i felt like im not ready enough to wear my hijab again. 
whereas in those months(january,february,march) , there was an event that make me feel like
"i guess its time for me to wear it again.." i got it really confusing. untill i had this once and only dream ive ever had (ive posted it also already bfore) its where i cried a lot in my dream.its about a feeling of regret.a great regret. :'( BUT STILL , i just feel like,im not ready enough,,
fine.i wana play more! (not reall that kind of playing -.- ive never been though to a pub)
i guess i was stubborn at that time..but ive already actually said to my housemate that, maybe im goin to wear it again on my semester 3. (its like i already made a deadline,and so i can manage my feeling and all towards it..how to make my feeling ready by the time semester 3 come)

and on the way to semester 3..well, i may say bcz of Eid,
i asked my hijab friend,how could she ended up wearing skirts all day long,since me, im still wearing trousers,jeans. her name is Lia
another friend of mine,named her Otha,,we had a chit chat about exchange semster of praxis semester,where i feel, when that smster came, and i already wore my hijab,,im afraid that no one would accept me. then this sister told me that anyway.. " if you do what God tells you to do, than God will lead you the way,what best for you" this saying is like also from a friend of me before.when she knew me at the very first that im taking off my hijab. still.. 
i was like "Ouu i cant imagine that.its not fair" so months in smster 2, i had a thought also that " maybe i wont make it this smster 3, my practice semester is on 5th semester anyway.i dont wana do it with my hijab.what if no one accept me just bcz im wearing a hijab?!way no!" 

but then i rethink that again.problems came on my second semester.and i kinda blame myself bcz easy, im not wearing my hijab. eventhough there might be no connection at all -.-
im not really sure since on which month i decided to wear my hijab again,but after Eid,i was still not wearing a hijab,but my feeling towards it,is getting bigger.like im going to be cofidennttt soon~
weeks before i had a trip to cologne and spain,,i have a though on my mind,that by the first date of september,im going to wear my hijab again since my semester ticket is valid since first september and there is a picture that needs to be sticked on.and so i sticked that me wearing the hijab.my old photos i still have em xD
even though going to cologne was a day before it, im training myself to wear the hijab to cologne.
trying buildiing my confidence. even though that day,my old semester ticket was me not wearing the hijab :'' (bcz that was the old smster ticket and still valid)
and..yea i went through it.alhamdulillah..

2 day before i started to wear my hijab again,i was crying out loud after magrib pray,the feeling of regret. like i need to face this, "if i didnt take off my hijab,i wouldnt feel this sad.i would have to feel this regret.i shudnt take it off back then,so that i wouldnt have to get throu this feeling,i shoudnt.."

bismillah.. 
i guess i have no reason for me to stay long this way
my dad,,i guess he do feel way sad,maybe sadder than me
knowing that his child,who he sent to an islamic boarding(even thoug its my own decision)
behave this way..i know he felt a deep regret to himself
no benefit mega?you earn nothing
you just keep being you,
you who dont talk much,and that kinda girl,whose not so confident
so why are you still staying this way? 
im not sure when was my happy time..
that year where i took off my hijab, or those years when im on my hijab..
maybe its bcz me who is not so sensitive and cant really choose,
but my friend say that.."you look happier when you were with your hijab"
i was like "i know, rite?"

i know the iman of every person is not constant. it goes up and down,and up and down again and so on.
even myself had a commitment that i wont ever take it off again, i forget sometimes..about that iman.
bcz now, im wearing my hijab, but i feel low.i feel down.
i know, dont judge a person by its look,even i do agree that appereance is important.
but i know,the behavior of someone,can not be connected of what he/she is wearing.
in this term, what im trying to say is that,if you see a hijab girl act what she doesnt suppposed to do,dont blame her hijab,niether her beliefs.

its getting harder now.trying to often wear a hijab in my own house(apartment) and the "me" bfore was like "every housemate is like a family to me,and so regardless there are boys,i still dont wear my hijab"
and now..? maybe bcz my housemate keep wearing her hijab,and i guess i need to practice like her,
but honestly,like really?in my own house? its..hard :') #butimtrying

its not about just wearing it,its about what will you learn next?
so thats why,its not an easy decision as like 
"whats so hard wearing a veil?you can just wear it and done" 
its not,like that..

Indonesischer Abend 2015

finally.. all of our hard work for months..

we paid it off guys!! alhamdulillah..

well..what is it this indoabend?

its an event held by indonesien students in bremen and bremerhaven(since bremerhaven is a small place ..hmm and located near bremen.and so...) xD 

its a free entrance for anyone and people can enjoy variety of indonesian foods and thru this event we'd like to help street children in our country :'' 

not only food, we also prepared a THEATER for audience xD (this  is the main thing that we prepared for months :' ) ) well we're not actually real actors..

but we tried to look like one though :3 

what was the theater about? just like the title..

you know what robinhood is rite? kinda hero you know lahh~

and batavia..well it was the old name from Jakarta, and Jakarta..you know laah~

its the capital city of Indonesia of course.. so for a short words its like "Hero from Jakarta"

and who is the hero? his name is "Pitung" 

what is "si"? si is just... i dont know either.. ._. i mean i cant describe it well lol hmmm

its just an addition word from my countryy and its always located before someones name..  ;)

anywaaayy.. 

its a sad ending :( 

I HAATEEE SAD ENDIIINGGG PLEASEEEE 

WHAT A STORYYYY :'( 

but the show WAS GREAT ! there was a recommendation that wed better move to a bigger stage xD maybe for next year, who knows? 

i did took parts on this event..and ... taaraaaaa~

my name tag

i took it when i was in the backstage :''

what did i do? yeap i made the poster :')

with the helps of the seniors..i made this poster yyeeaa alhmdulillah

its really an honour for me to have this part.

i mean..my study is also around this field..so,,i can use my skill and pour it for this event :')

wanna share some of the players...but lemme show me ! me dancing traditional dance called ,,Siri Kuning Dance" from west java xD !! 

this was my first scene before we dance. the scene was in the market

and we as the villagers or folks seeing foods,fruits etc..

then when the music starts,we start to dance~

wheres me?

yooggiiiyooo~

this was the only foto of me that was sooo clear and... idk,serious but a bit smile there xD 

it was hard for me to smile :'' like everytime we practiced,,my friends yelled at me

''megaaa smileeee~lalala smileee blabla.." 

they dont know that i save my smile for the BIG DAY :P #wrongexcuse

i know its all about me , well since its ma blog anywaay ! xP

Mr. Wall #part2

mid 2014 (september-early 2015)

ini adalah tahun pertama gue masuk kuliah.
gue mutusin to put away my hijab for...well my plan was until i finished my study here.
but if i can wear sooner,why not? but i need to promise myself that after wearing it again,
i wont ever take it off anymore.. well,i did made that decision. 

kebetulan, temannya doi kuliah dikota yang tdk bgtu jauh dari kota gue. sebut saja temanya adalah A. gue suka beberapa kali jalan di kota si A ini. dan si A juga emg temen gue juga si. dan doi kebetulan suka main krumah temanya ini, si A. padahal beda kota uda gitu berjam2 dari kota doi ke kota A. 
dan itu ngebuat secara ga sengaja,me and him met. hmm..i guess i was in a good contact with him.
there was once a time where he chatted me first in the middle of a nite and it wasnt something important at all lol. then we had a nice chats i guess. 
october,november passed..december came..new years eve came..
awalnya gue berencana tahun baru di kota temen gue,yang dia jg kenal sama doi.
tapi entah..tmn gue ini bilang, doi ngajakin tahun baruanya di rumah A aja. doi disana jg loh me!
kata temen gue gtu. A ini,temenya doi,temenya tmn gue, dan temen gue juga. A ini yg kuliah di kota yg deket sama kota gue tadi. yang tadi gue mention diatas! 
alhasil si doi ngchat gue ngajakin tahun baruanya drumah si A aja.okeh,deal g jadi beli tiket k kota temen gue hahaha .___. 
3 hari nginep disana kurang lebih.. gue lupa bawa baju tiduur yaaa huhu jadi g enak bgt g punya baju tidur :( tights yg gue pake jalan terpaksa buat tidur :( kan g enak :( 
malesnya lagi gue g jago masak yak,and he cooks well.gue bagian bersi2 nya aja dehh :3 huhu :''
slama disana,gimana caranya gue harus nglupain dia. i mean that feeling bro.cuman sekedar..dia g baik buat gue..
hari saatnya balik ke kota masing2 datang, and i felt like,,i cant handle this.
just that hard to say goodbye lol. huft. 
we're heading back now to our own town. i cried to my friend who was there and she was like,
"come on,not bcause of him and all you can do is just nothing"  
one of my friends took my phone and chatted him.shit .__. *now awkward*
bcz we had nothing to discuss or anything.and he replied just short. 
the nite came,i said a thing that i dont even wish to be more.im just..saying..

somehow i do regret. i just cant believe i could do that. anyway it just happend.
after that one nite, we didnt have a contact anymore until he chatted me first asking why i took off my hijab. i explained it all.. then well im not really hoping him to understand since not all peple can understand me. then he replied short,just to cheer me up. i didt replied. until he texted me again saying that he wanted to visit my town. and so he stayed at our home for a nite. he was accompanied by A. 
it was short.and..bye~ :) my roommate said we're not awkward at all ;)
i thought that i would be really fine with him if maybe i could have an easy conversation with in chats but..he seems to make a distance then, so.. i never contacted him anymore unless asking for something really important regarding i dont know,like university,lessons and things like that.. :) 
and...yea.that was it. and our last meeting was Eid that july.